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American Idol: NY, NY

Given I’m supposed to finish up a project before my day job tomorrow, I won’t have much time to share my thoughts on tonight’s American Idol auditions in the good ole city of NY, NY. But I know AI starved fans are anxious to get their hands on *any* AI-related stuff, so why would I keep you in suspense? Here’s, well, something closer to word association versus free association. Heh.

Ian Benardo: He says “Ben-ardo” and I say “Ret-ardo.” Let’s call the whole thing off.

Sarah from Ohio: You’re 19. You don’t need Daddy’s permission to do ANYthing any more.

Fania: From Greece to Africa, and she took a left turn at apalling.

Ashanti: They said “As the American Idol Turns” and I say “As My Stomach Turns.” Get a clue - there were three Americans in the room and they said NO. America has *heard* you, so move on.

Amanda and Anotella: They both made it, but Anotella sings far better. Will their friendship survive Hollywood? Um, isn’t this about singing? To quote the MUSIC EXECUTIVE: “When someone’s down on the floor, kick them.” Could be interesting!

Clifton: Who told you ZZ Top screams when they sing? Damn!

Phillip: Does he have a flip top head?

William: AKA “It’s Pat!”

Kia: She did Aretha and got in. She was excited as hell. Simon says she has one problem, though. “No emotion.” HA! Such a funny guy that Simon!

Jenry: While he reminded me of Skelator, he had a great voice for a 16 year old.

Nakia: Should have stuck with the first song as you blew it with your second. You’ll be dancin’ in the streets at home, “Little Shirley.”

Sarah Goldberg: Hubby and I agreed that she was channeling “Fucking leftard.” Sarah, you’re right…you can’t sing. You don’t need to be taught how to sing, either. You need a valium and a dose of conservative. Jeez.

Antonio: He sang New Yor, New York. Can we get a “K” Vanna?

Jory: A Canadian who made a stop in Santa Monica on her way to American Idol. Isn’t this show “AMERICAN Idol?” Eh?

Porcelana: The “Rocky” of American Idol. She sang Mary J. Blige, and quite nicely. She scares me, though.

Christopher Henry: They thought he looked a bit like Simon, but when he sang, a woman’s voice clearly came out. I could close my eyes and see a woman in my mind. I would have never told him that. But Simon made it clear that he should have sang “in a dress and stilettos.” Harsh - at least it got a cussing rant out of Paula.

Rachel: Rachel was there, along with her other two personas. Oh, and all of them are going to Hollywood.

Chris from Virginia: Hubby: Yet another Mariah wannabe with balls. Me: Since he has balls, they’ll say he’s like Justin Timberlake. AI: You’re kind of like Justin Timberlake. Score: One for me, zero for da hubby. Should I be proud, or humiliated? ;)

Nick: Bailed on Hollywood last year and came back to redeem himself. He would have truly redeemed himself if he had sang “Buttercup.” Really.

Isadora: To quote Simon “rational advice isn’t necessary.” And she seemed to be orgasming right in the middle of the song - was I dreaming? Oh, yes, we were laughing too hard to really notice. But riddle me this…she said she was a clairvoyant. Wouldn’t a clairvoyant *know* if they are going to win or not?

Next week? Alabama. I bet Beth is lined up for her audition as we speak!

American Idol: Memphis Blahhhging

I preface this with the fact that I wasn’t as entertained with American Idol auditions this week. Why would I feel like that? It’s simple - not enough freaks. I sure hope New York’s auditions are a bit more, er, freaky. I DEMAND entertainment! :-)

The “no” club was rather large again this week, of course. I will say, though, that they had artful use of sign language this week. …and it wasn’t the peace sign or “I love you.”

Cheerleader Frank (also known as “Frank ‘n Beans”): This guy brought his cheering squad with him. And the band. And the judges dismissed him. And Simon dismissed the cheering squad. And the band.

Timika: What was she singing? Huh? To quote her “Hmmm.” I still don’t know what the hell she was singing.

Christopher: All I know is that he sang “Superstitious.” I’m superstitious that he actually knew the words since I didn’t understand what the HELL he was singing.

Alexis: I couldn’t get past the earrings that sounded like windchimes. She should have taken them out the same time she got rid of her gum. I was wondering if she was going to start stripping when she started taking off her jacket. Oh, and did I mention she couldn’t sing?

Wow….no wonder the judges get grumpy. What a bad morning for them!

Sundance Head: No, that really is his name. REALLY. And he sang some righteous blues. I think if he goes far he should change his last name. Sundance Head. Yikes!

Wandera: I wonder(uh), who did your dye job? And your fit was almost as good as a two-year-old. Almost.

Travis, aka Emotional Man: Admittedly, I had high expectations that he might actually sing a ballad that would make me feel his, er, emotion. I should know better. I can’t tell, honestly, if this man was trying to channel Tourette’s or if he was stuttering while singing. To quote Simon “Bye, bye, bye.”

Danielle: She sang Aretha and Paula said “you’re an old soul.” Not all the judges were convinced, so it’ll be interesting to see what happens. She didn’t stand out for me the way others did.

Topher, aka Paula’s-Greatest-Fan-Until-She-Said-No: Topher’s singing of “Footlose” went over like (loosing quoting Simon) a guy who was singing karaoke at a wedding, had too much to drink and fell off the stage. Topher’s claim to fame? He got to call his cheating ex-wife a bitch on national television. At least he got something out of his AI experience!

Janita: She sang “Disco Inferno.” That should be end of story, save for the cleavage issues she had. To quote Simon “Um, you are a handful.” [following by much laughter]. I thought it was humorous that she said the judges would find her somewhat conservative but sexy. Just call her Miss Doesn’t-Have-A-Clue.

Belinda Doolittle: Wow, what a voice. But she’s a professional backup singer. Isn’t it like a pro playing in college football? She did rock, though.

Robert Lee Holmes: This guy was hilarous, even though he didn’t mean to be. He said he’s a dancer, a singer and a story writer. When asked what kind of stories he writes he plainly stated “The Story of Robert.” Robert, seems as though you have to write the end of *this* chapter of your story. His Elvis sounded more like Bucwheat.

The New Daddy: He sang “My Girl” in honor of his three daughters. He missed out on the birth of his new baby to be at AI auditions (and boy was she cute). He made it to Hollywood - I wonder if the judges said “yes” just so his wife wouldn’t kill him. Heh.

I saved my favorite for last:

Sean (Shawn?): This man explained that his appearance has been described as similar to Castro, Jesus, Osama and, well, a homeless guy. I can’t disagree with him. Neither could the judges, who were silenced by the guy’s fabulous voice. Where the hell did that voice come from, Fidel? Simon’s observation was classic “I thought you were going to sing something about a revolution.”

My AI Blogging Buddy Beth shares in my apathy about tonight’s auditions. Go encourage her to live blog tomorrow - NEW YORK, BABEEEEEEEE!

24: The Bluetooth Man Group Edition

The world is out of whack, my friends! For those of you who watched “24″ tonight, you’ll understand why!

How could the big baboon, the head cheese of the Bluetooth Man Group be Jack Bauer’s brother, Graham?!?!? And how could Graham be married to such a hottie? Money, perhaps? It certainly doesn’t seem to be love given the look in her eye when her bald-headed, bluetooth wearing freak of a “husband” uttered the word “Jack.”

Somehow I knew Jack came from a somewhat dysfunctional family, but wow…putting a plastic bag over your brother’s head? That’s some sibling rivalry!

Can someone please shut the Sherry wannabe up? Enough already!

I’m still not so sure about Assad, but I will say this about Fayed. As long as he keeps working with the wannabe Robin Leach, he might not get any help, other than “champagne wishes and caviar dreams.” One could only hope, huh? Four more visitors - let’s hope there’s no room at the inn for them!

Another interesting night of television and less than 168 hours until the next episode (less than 10,080 minutes for those of you who are really counting down). I WANT MORE BAUER NOW, DAMMIT!

Until next week….

Are You Ready for Some Football?

What a great play-off game last night! Hubby and I were happy to see that the Colts will be playing the Bears in the Superbowl this year. We had a chance to meet Peyton Manning a few years ago, and he’s a pretty cool guy. I’m sure the rest of the team is cool, too - we just haven’t met them. Heh.

Now I have another reason to watch the Superbowl (besides the commercials!). Woot!

American Idol Seattle: Free Association

So tonight was night two of watching American Idol. Oh.my.Gawd. I do not believe they should come back to Seattle. Really. Ever. No, really. I think the geek-o-meter spun out of control tonight. The only thing I could think to do is free association. Those of you who didn’t watch will *not* get this. Those who did…well, you will FEEL MY PAIN.

Uncle Sam - Sang “I Shot the Sheriff” at last year’s audition. He’s a cop. If only he was a sheriff so we could have shot him to put us out of our misery!

The “Hotness” - Er, no, more like the “Hothead.”

Amy-who-tried-to-sing-Xtina - “Tried” is the operative word. …and Amy, when they say NO, they mean it. No has one less letter than yes. You should be able to get it the first time around.

Darwin “Misha” - Girlfriend. Please crack open a Cosmo. You need some serious lip liner. And a facial. And a new hair style. Don’t be your momma’s mini-me cuz you’ll be, er, “hot” like her.

Tommy the former gas pump operator - American Idol is a step up for you, man. They like your ‘do, too!

“Carlene” - I think Simon was right. You looked like you had been caught in a net. The pink sleeves gave you some sloppy soft version of Popeye arms. Oh, and get some singing lessons or something!

Blake - The spikes could probably penetrate cement, Dude. When I think of the rest of the Seattle auditions, I can see why they said yes to you, but you do sound effects better than you sing. And DITCH the emerald green shirt, Spike!

Green Tie Guy - Ack! You channeled Napoleon Dynomite and didn’t even do *that* effectively.

Saymali and Sanjaya, the Wonder Twins - Okay, I liked these two. It will be interesting to see what happens. I have to admit, though, their faces looked virtually IDENTICAL. It was a bit weird.

Nick Zitzman - the Zitzmeister, the Leader, the software engineer. Um, Simon was right here and I quote: “What the bloody hell was that?!?!?” and “It was almost non-human.” I’ve never heard a person butcher a song as bad as that. Your melody was REALLY unchained, Dude. It was unhinged completely.

Rudy - Open Arms by Journey? Wow…took me back to the couples skate in the 1980s. But you rose to the top in Seattle, Dude.

Kenneth - aka “The Bug-Eyed Freak” or “Bush Baby” (or according to my hubby….a lemur). I was very afraid watching you, Man. And I did put the earplugs in, but I’m betting you aren’t going to Hollywood.

Eric “Taylor Hicks” Wannabe - er, you may wanna keep your day job, Dude. And don’t EVER try to style Simon’s hair. The security was up on you, Man.

Anna - this woman was 6′7″ with heels. I’m 5′0″ so she’s like 19″ taller than me. I’d probably be staring at her navel if we had polite conversation in the hall. Damn. But she belted out a nice Aretha!

Jordan - 16 years old and channeling Mariah. She stood out in Seattle, but will she stand out in Hollywood? Not if she’s standing next to Anna!

Red - Dude…don’t EVER sing Queen again. For that matter, don’t ever sing ANYTHING again. And you should call 1-800-GET-TOOTH. As Beth would say “Bohemian Craphsody.” She’s absolutely right!

So next week it’ll be in Memphis. I hope they find more talent in Memphis. Or maybe not cuz I’ll run out of things to make fun of. Heh.

American Idol: I Learned A New Genre Today!

My dear friend Beth twisted my arm suggested that we should sit down and watch “American Idol.” I have never seen the show before, and because I trust Beth’s taste in television programs and her taste in talented musical artists BETH, CREED IS AWESOME DAMMIT, I chose to watch this fine scary show tonight. To say that I want 2 hours of my life back is, well, an understatement. But I did get one thing out of all of this. I learned a new genre of music suckitude tonight. “Urban Amish.” Yes, that’s right. “Urban Amish.”

Because I know that Beth loves this show, and because I know how much she loves this new style of music, I took a screen shot from the show. She may have missed it, so here it is, so she can print it and keep it next to her pillow.

(picture from the AI website).

Beth…I love ya, but you REALLY do need to start blogging about ‘24.’

P.S. You watching AI tomorrow? Seattle, isn’t it?!?!?!? I can‘t hardly wait! For what it is worth, Vinnie LOVED the show!

24: Rest In Peace, Curtis!

Whoa boy…what a second set of hours on “24″ tonight. Curtis (AKA Cola as any Blogs 4 Bauer fan would know), you sure will be missed. We understand why you did what you did, but you *knew* Jack would pull that trigger. C’mon, man.

So, Mister-Former-Terrorist-Who-Says-He-Is-Renouncing-Terrorism-and-Got-A- Pardon-Out-of-It-Guy, you better be for real and this had better not be some part of a twisted, sadistic plot. You wanna know why? Because Jack had to pop a cap in the neck of his boy Curtis for you. If Jack killed him and you are lying about what you are doing, you are soooo screwed. Because Hell hath no fury like a Jack scorned. You’ve been warned, Assad.

Something... and Half of Something linked with Okay, so I'm grouchy
Bauer’s Back!

See that picture? Yep…the one above. It’s started and I’m hooked…again! Another season of “24″ started at 7:00pm Central Time and we were planted in our chairs. It was AWESOME! The folks at Blogs 4 Bauer are hitting it hard again, and you really do need to go check them out. Any fan of “24″ will absolutely love the place. I visit it faithfully following each “24″ episode. Although I think I should write for them. I have the same crazy stuff going around in my head. There were two explicit things that they called out in their live blogging that I said to hubby during the show! First off, Prez Palmer’s (aka Michael Jordan’s) sister, the ACLU Islamotard-lovin’ phreak. I told hubby that she reminded me of Sherry Palmer (may she not RIP). Second comment was regarding the portion of the script that sounded like it was written for Yoda. See, ya’ll. I could be helping you out. Instead, I sit riveted to my HDTV-loaded, plasma-filled screen, yelling out things that could be live blogged. Er…perhaps that’s easy street. :-)

Truck driver’s wife asks jury to spare his life for kids’ sake

HOUSTON The wife of a man convicted in the deaths of 19 people he was smuggling into the country has pleaded with jurors to spare his life.

Spare his life?

Tyrone Williams was convicted last month of smuggling immigrants in his truck. The 19 who died in the sweltering summer of 2003 were among 70 crammed into the trailer. The truck was abandoned about 100 miles southwest of Houston.

I stand 100% against illegal immigration BUT… These were STILL 19 human beings, out of 70, crammed like animals and left to die inside this sweatbox.

Karen Williams says she grew up without a father and doesn’t want her children to do likewise. Williams’ son and daughter also testified on his behalf.

What kind of a role model can this “father” be to his children while in prison for allowing the deaths of these 19 human beings?

Jurors could begin deliberations today on whether Williams gets the death sentence or up to life in prison.

I say spare the American taxpayer the cost of his incarceration, while springing to foot the bill of that wonderful chemical mixture.


Dear Blog (and my even dearer blog friends),

I’m very sorry I’ve neglected you! That whole *real life* thing, warts and all, has taken me away. I promise I’ll be back very soon, with bells on (of course!).


Rest In Peace, Mr. President

Welcome home, Mr. President.

The plane carrying Ford’s casket landed at the airport that bears his name in Cascade Township.

People aligned the street near DeVos Place to say farewell to the former president.

I closed the office to join hundreds of mourners that lined the route from the airport to the highway. It was an awesome moment joining others in receiving Gerald “Our” Ford back to Grand Rapids.

The casket lies in the Ford Presidential Museum in Grand Rapids.

GRAND RAPIDS — Gerald Ford arrived in his hometown for the final time a bit later than scheduled, but with all the ceremony necessary for a man who rose to become the 38th President of the United States.

The aircraft landed just before 3 p.m. in Grand Rapids. A short ceremony, including the University of Michigan marching band playing “Ruffles & Flourishes,” took place before the motorcade began its route to the Ford Museum.

Grand Rapids Police Department Chief Harry Dolan said although there will be traffic tie-ups and periodic street closures, everyone is invited to come down to pay their respects.

Thousands of mourners lined up along the motorcade route from the airport to the Ford Museum.

As the motorcade passed through one of the least pedestrian-friendly areas along the route — 28th Street and Patterson — thousands of people stood silently paying respects, waving gently

One mourner at that intersection told 24 Hour News 8 he came to witness “a bit of history. You never get to see this, otherwise.”

Mourners were also lined up along some of the I-96 overpasses and along the side on the berms on both sides of the road.

Veterans lined up along the Bridge Street bridge, often three-deep, to pay their respects to a fellow veteran. Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts were also in formation, and Eagle Scouts honored the only Eagle Scout to become US President.

When the hearse passed in front of them, all stood silently at attention, honoring one of their own.

The motorcade reached the Ford Museum shortly after 4 p.m.

In the invocation delivered by Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell, he said, “though we mourn…we do not grieve without a purpose.” President Ford, he said, challenged this nation to adhere “to the highest standards of ethics and diplomacy, a guiding light to the world.”

Long time friend and a member of the Ford Foundation Mary Allen spoke briefly and quoted author James Cannon. “Grand Rapids,” he said, “a place from which a man can journey far and never leave.” He said Ford learned three rules that he lived by: tell the truth, work hard, and be on time for dinner.

“He learned how to be very competitive but learned how to respect his opponents,” maintaining “decency, integrity, civility and goodwill.” Through the years, Allen would greet Gerald Ford whenever he returned to the city. “I’d say, Welcome home, Mr. President, and he’d say, “It’s good to be home, Marty.”

Gov. Jennifer Granholm spoke “on behalf of our 10 million citizens. We are proud and honored to have you here…to the city where you and Betty were married, Betty in a $50 dress and you in muddy shoes.” She went on to say, “Sir, much has been said about your humility and simplicity, but we won’t let that fool us…You were an incredible human being wrapped in a plain brown wrapper.”

An interesting note; Jennifer Granholm (D) actually campaigned for Ford when he decided to run for a full term.

The governor then introduced University of Michigan president Mary Sue Coleman and Yale University president Richard Levin, representing the two universities where Ford earned degrees on his path to success.

The private ceremony ended as Mrs. Ford and the family left the Museum.

The public is now paying their respects to President Ford in repose, through 11 a.m. Wednesday.