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A White Trash Vacation

Me and my family just got us back from our family vacation. We shore nuff enjoyed ourselves, other than a few little mishaps along the way. I done thought I’d share with all my buddies our pictures of the trip - iffin you’d like to go thar sometime yerself.

My old man and I wanted to take the kids somewhere right special. We loaded up the truck and headed out on our road trip. We took us some cheese curls and bologna sandwiches to tide us over. My old man wouldn’t let me drive, but I did get to change the tire on Bertha - our truck. He calls her Bertha cuz she is such a smooth ride he says.

We kept driving and driving, and finally felt like the bologna and cheese curls weren’t helping any more, so we stopped at our favorite eating spot "The Greasy Spoon." This was done out in the middle of nowhere, but boy do they serve up some mighty good chow.

We were about to our destination when we saw a sign for the Boxcar Willie Museum. Only by the grace of God (and a bunch of 8-tracks) are we getting by in this world since Boxcar left us in 1999. We had to go in. My fondest treasure is of this picture of Boxcar’s beauty told in a wax statue:

Whilst I never did want to leave, my old man reminded me that the kids really needed to get to our vacation spot since riding in the back of Bertha gave them some darn awful windburn (not to mention the bag of cheese curls that blew out of Willie’s hand and struck the window of the car behind us). Then, there it was. A beautiful sight - a sight that even Boxcar’s Museum paled in comparison. The Billy the Kid Museum.

What I knew of the Billy the Kid Museum was the stuff of stories while us younguns gathered aroun’ old Papy’s knees. And everything he said was true. I even got to see Billy’s burial marker. But most importantly, I got to see the 6 legged calf my Papy was buggeyed about. He was so right that you could stare at that stuff forever.

Well, we decided to set up camp for the night and stayed at the KOA. We love sleeping in the back of Bertha under the stars. I will say that next time I’m bringing the calomine lotion, damn chiggers.

Next mornin’ we decided to head back. It was cloudy out so the younguns could avoid any more sunburn. ’bout an hour into the trip, we came across a carnival - one of them traveling kinds with the rides you love to be on because it may be their last run, if you know what I’m saying. Sure adds a thrill! Anyway, we met Eugene and Willie in the midway. They sure gave the kids some nice prizes, although I had to say no to the 6′ stuffed banana. Smile purty for the cameras, ya’ll!

Well, as you can reckon, me an my gang were dog tired. About an hour before home, the old man was hankerin’ for something to wet his whistle. We were so excited to see a store at the top of the hill. We went in and there it was. The light was shining down on it so bright you’d have thunk it was on stage. My old man hadn’t seen it for years and now, here it was. Mad Dog 20/20. Flavors upon flavors. The bottles all lined up so neatly, kept cold for him.

We got him a bottle of each kind. My old man was so excited he even got me a bottle of Strawberry Hill, my favorite. But I couldn’t help thinking how some of that exotic lookin’ MD 20/20 would taste and I could only hope the old man would give me a sip when we got home.

Well, we did get home, which is why I could share this will you fine folks. I reckon you must be mighty jealous of our expedition. But next time, we’ll save some room for ya’ll.

Ray Dawn