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The ACLU’d Version of Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before RamaHanaKwanzmas, when all through the living area

Not a living organism was stirring, not even a mouse, cat, dog, parrot, oh, none of them.

The foot coverings were hung somewhere in the living area with care,

In hopes that the appropriate holiday figure soon would be there.

The people of a certain age were nestled all snug in their sleeping areas,

While visions of whatever appeals to them moved about in their favorite way in their heads (or other parts of their body if that makes them feel better).

And my partner in their favorite sleeping attire, and I in mine,

Had just settled our brains for a long cold season’s resting period.

When outside the noise level increased,

I sprang from my sleeping area to see what caused it.

Away to the window I flew, walked, hopped, sashayed, moved in a way that is acceptable to me and those around me at a pace that would be considered non-offensive,

Tore open the window coverings and opened the window.

The moon on the breast (gasp!!!) top of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes perceptions, whatever they are, should be made known,

But a mode of transportation, and eight living organisms who wished to participate.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick, person at the helm who could operate the appropriate mode of transportation effectively,

I knew in a moment it must be the appropriate holiday figure.

At an effective rate of speed they came,

And the figure made sure, through effective, private communication that each living organism was aware and actively participated in the opportunity they had to serve others as long as it wasn’t done in a mean spirited or unequal way.
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!  On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!

  (this role call has been deleted to preserve the privacy of those associated as it relates to HIPPA regulations – the very nature of “roll call” is considered highly offensive and there is currently a case pending that would end the practice of “roll call” all together).

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Please decide amongst yourselves what is the appropriate action, but might I suggest dashing so we can complete our mission tonight?

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, they call the ACLU!

So up to the house-top the organisms traveled,

With the mode of transportation full of RamaHanaKwanzmas-appropriate items, and the appropriate holiday figure, too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The mode of transportation stopping. 

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

The appropriate holiday figure entered our home with a bound. 

S/He was dressed in non-offensive clothing that is appropriate for RamaHanaKwanzmas from his/her head to his/her foot,

And his/her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot (duly noted for later litigation).

A bunch of RamaHanaKwanzmas appropriate items s/he had flung on his/her back,

And s/he looked like a peddler person, just opening his/her travel bag.

His/her eyes-how they twinkled! His/her dimples how merry!

His/her cheeks were like roses, his/her nose like a cherry!
His/her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his/her chin was as white as the snow.*

The stump of a pipe s/he held tight in his/her teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his/her head like a wreath.
S/He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when s/he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

S/He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him/her, in spite of myself!
A wink of his/her eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

*Everyone should just figure out for themselves how the appropriate holiday figure looks – it is best not to discuss as you may offend them.

S/He spoke not a word, but went straight to his/her work,
And filled all the foot coverings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his/her finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, out of the home s/he rose!

S/He sprang to his/her mode of transportation, alerted the living organisms what the next planned steps were and encouraged everyone to act on them

And away they all moved like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him/her exclaim, as s/he moved out of sight,
"Happy RamaHanaKwanzmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

===========================

Please stop by Stop the ACLU! for their weekly education session on the evils of the ACLU!


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3 Comments
Jess said:

HILARIOUS!!!!!



sisu said:

"The foot coverings were hung somewhere in the living area with care"

On our way out the door and down the street to get a shot of the Jolly Old St. Nick (photo below), who magically appears atop the salt piles of Eastern Salt across the street every December, our eye



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